


State & Liberty

by WrathoftheStag



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Imagine the chirps, Jack in a commercial, M/M, Oblivious Jack, The hockey butt ad, The nation thirsts, Unbeta'd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-24 14:33:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20909222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WrathoftheStag/pseuds/WrathoftheStag
Summary: Jack is the newest spokesperson for State & Liberty Stretch Dress Pants, and the ad just hit the net.  The world doesn’t know what hit it.





	State & Liberty

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [this ad](https://www.instagram.com/p/B3FihGfnKhp/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=embed_video_watch_again) that just came out, has [#hockeybutt](https://twitter.com/search?q=%23HockeyButt&src=typeahead_click) trending, and [has everyone thirsty AF](https://percolately.com/mikewc/ad-male-athletes-hockey-butt-video/?fbclid=IwAR0ec99vhijEEMHjQkXOw2uRhkYroAlUU28EV3knO7nWkuJbEAL5rBGAw24).

_My name is Jack Zimmermann, and I have a hockey butt…_

At the end of the ad, Bitty cleared his throat, closed his laptop, and calmly walked over to the balcony where he slid the door open, stepped outside, cleared his throat, and yelled, “DEAR SWEET MARY!”

He then slid the door open again, came inside and sat right back down at his laptop on the kitchen table. By then, his phone was going bonkers.

“Holy shit, Bits! Did you fucking see that?” Shitty bellowed into the phone.

“Yes,” Bitty said as he swallowed dryly. “Yes, I did.”

“Where’s our State and Liberty muse?”

“He’s still at skate and should be here in an hour.”

“Lards and I are coming right the fuck over!”

“Oh, jeez! Don’t--” Bitty began, but he could tell the call ended. There was no stopping those two now.

Bitty clicked on the ad again...

_I know a big problem that a lot of athletes and hockey players have is shopping for pants. We have relatively small waists, and big quads, big thighs, and big butt._

Jack smiled and blushed as the camera cut away to him bending and snapping like he was Elle Wood’s sister.

Bitty took a long sip of water from the glass on the table, picked up his phone.

**@omgcheckplease**: _@stateandliberty I think I speak for the entire nation when I say I feel attacked by your latest ad and one @jlzimmermann1. #hockeybutt_

He added a couple of peach emojis for good measure.

_It's nearly impossible for me to buy off the rack. Even custom made pants have their problems. I can't stretch, and I feel confined in them. Anytime I bend down I feel like I'm going to bust right through the seams._

Bitty paused the ad and took a screencap. Yep, that one right there was a keeper.

When Jack told Bitty that he had been approached by a clothing company to model their new pants, Bitty was excited. Mainly because it was true; it was so hard for Jack to buy pants that fit.

After the shoot, Jack came home with a couple pairs and smiled.

“Look! They let me keep these!” He had said as he shook the pants to show Bitty.

“How do they fit?”

“Good! Real good! And everyone there was so nice, Bits. It was easy doing the commercial.”

Bitty smiled as Jack explained how the filming had gone. “Mainly, I just talked about how I can never buy pants off-the-rack, and they made me move in the pants a bit and shot that.”

“That’s so fun, sweetpea. And you got some pants, too!” Bitty had said with a smile as Jack admired the pants laid out on the sofa. 

“I’m gonna go hang these up.”

And so they waited about a month or so for the ad to debut across State and Liberty’s social media sites, Jack bummed that he would be at the rink when it would first come on.

As Bitty sat and watched the ad, nothing, NOTHING, prepared him for the love of life looking like a goddamn, straight up tasty ass, _thicc_ as sin snack for all the world to see as the camera zoomed in on Jack’s assets. 

_The first time I wore State and Liberty Stretch Dress Pants, I couldn't believe the fit. I was able to bend, twist, stretch, reach and grab, feeling confident I'd stay inside my pants._

Jack’s quads filled the screen as he did a slo-mo lunge. Jack ran his hand down his quad and the camera zoomed in slowly. Well, this was definitely proof that God existed, and furthermore, Bitty was clearly a chosen favorite.

**@cayce**: _this is the kind of targeting marketing i want to see from the NHL_

**@mrShaneM**: _this is a homoerotic, thirst-trapping, camp-culture memified hate crime and is making me feel so many things!!!_

Bitty laughed as he scrolled through Twitter and noticed that #hockeybutt started to trend.

**@theblueraul**: _My lord. #HockeyButt wins the internet today._

**@manscapedbear**: _@omgcheckplease is a lucky lucky man #HockeyButt._

Bitty laughed. He really was lucky, and in more ways than one. While these people got to ogle Jack's glorious body, Bitty got to see all the other amazing parts few were privy to--like his beautiful mind, goofy sense of humor, and good heart.

_I love the tapered look, and they just feel good, you know? Being a professional athlete, the biggest thing I value with dress pants is fit and comfort, and State and Liberty really delivers. They are top shelf!_

Bitty chuckled and shook his head as he closed his laptop. He may as well make some food if Shitty and Lardo were on their way. There would definitely be plenty of chirping and laughs on the menu once Jack got home.

**Author's Note:**

> Featuring actual tweets from people who saw the ad. I get it! I GET IT. I watched that ad like five times in a row.
> 
> All OMGCP characters by Ngozi Ukazu.
> 
> Come and say [hello on Tumblr](https://wrathofthestag.tumblr.com/post/188153368624/state-and-liberty), and reblog if you like. :)


End file.
